I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
