omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
