I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
