Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
