I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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