Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
