Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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