im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
