Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
