He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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