woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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