I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
