One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
