I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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