I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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