I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
