after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
