Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
