this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
