Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
