I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
pray to the hookup gods
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
