I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
