My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
