Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
