Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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