I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
