Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
