The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We need to rekindle our bromance
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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