just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize