giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
