I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
