Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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