Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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