whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
