I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
