worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
