I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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