my shit smells like andre
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think I sprained my soul last night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize