Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
