I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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