you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
