I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
