No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
