I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
