you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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