It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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