i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
