Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
