I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
