Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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