I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Success! We fucked roommates!
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