I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize