Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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