it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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