we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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