He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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