Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
