I think scott just propositioned me for sex
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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