He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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