Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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