problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
