We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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