is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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