i would punch a child for taco bell
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
