i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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