when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
