There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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