is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
