girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
