What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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